


the wave returns to the ocean

by kenobilovebot



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Gen, in which obi-wan is ready to go through the final door before anakin, the good place au no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25059076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenobilovebot/pseuds/kenobilovebot
Summary: Anakin learns to both hold on and let go.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 68





	the wave returns to the ocean

**Author's Note:**

> I did a Tumblr thread on this once and wanted to rewrite it as a fic. I hope you guys enjoy.

He can put it off no longer. 

Obi-Wan does not know how long he has ached for the quietude that only the door can offer; the final door that will draw him from this existence. He will be of this plane no longer, his soul laid to rest in the truest sense of the words, but he will have the peace that his heart so longs for. 

The wave returns to the ocean, so they say. 

Obi-Wan quite likes that metaphor. 

But it is a choice that has been made all the more difficult by Anakin’s presence, as his decisions so often are. Anakin, who clings to him so, now more than he ever had in life. Anakin, who had taken it so hard when Padme had gone through the door. Anakin, his dearest friend, his heart’s best brother.

Anakin, who has begun to look at him differently as of late, his glances all too frequent and verging on desperation. They have long been so attuned to each other; Obi-Wan does not have to outright ask to be sure that Anakin knows it will be soon, just as he knows that Anakin is not ready to go through the door himself. 

He is sorry that his heart is one step ahead of his friend’s in this, that he will be leaving Anakin alone in this. That sorrow is not enough to keep him here. 

They have been many places these last few days; Anakin has insisted on dragging him here and there, down memory lane again and again. While he has not outright stated his intentions in doing so, it doesn’t take much to hazard a guess. He hopes to keep Obi-Wan here in doing so. 

Obi-Wan still wants to go. 

And so they are here, settled on the riverbank and watching sunlight dance across the water. Obi-Wan is the first to speak, sensing Anakin’s gaze on him once more. 

“Anakin.” His voice is gentle as ever, but he feels his former padawan tense at his side. “You know what we must discuss.” 

A swell of anxiety rises, made tangible by their bond in the Force. A beat later, Anakin’s hand is at his sleeve, and at last Obi-Wan looks at him. His apprentice’s mouth opens and closes as though he can not think of what to say, aforementioned anxiety written all over his face. It’s an expression that Obi-Wan recognizes well. The beginnings of a panic attack. His heart clenches, and he grasps the other man’s forearm. 

“Anakin,” he says again, soothing this time, as though speaking to a cornered animal. “Breathe, please. You will be alright.” He waits a beat, waits for Anakin to get himself under some semblance of control, however tenuous. “I know it. You managed admirably when Padme went, and you will do so again.” 

His brother utters a choked noise, one that Obi-Wan doesn’t think he’s ever heard him make before. Yet again, his heart constricts. 

Perhaps he shouldn’t go. 

“I only managed that because of  _ you.” _ The words are plaintive. “Because I had you, Master. I don’t want you to go. Please. I’m not ready. I’m not ready for you to leave.” 

They’ve both lived a full life time and so much more, and yet in this moment, Anakin still sounds pitifully young. In some ways, he is no different from the child who had crawled into Obi-Wan’s bed after nightmares. 

“You still have Ahsoka. What of Luke and Leia?” 

He has spent so long putting Anakin’s needs before his own. He can continue to do so. What are a few more decades, a century? 

“They aren’t  _ you.”  _

Obi-Wan feels hollow. It’s been some time since he’d felt this. Certainly before the Good Place. 

_ Infinite sadness, _ he’d once told Anakin.

A moment later Anakin crumples into him, arms winding tight around his middle, and Obi-Wan’s own come up to support him on instinct, holding his padawan tight against him. “Alright,” he murmurs, and slowly begins to release the swirl of negativity into the force. “Alright, padawan. Please breathe. I am not going anywhere. I will remain with you. I will wait for you to be ready.” 

* * *

Anakin has always been selfish at heart. 

He takes, and he takes. Who is he to steal Obi-Wan’s rest? 

The guilt that has taken root in the pit of his stomach isn’t enough to let him go, not at first. They return to the home that they share, and time passes. Obi-Wan allows him to make a list -- things he wants to do together before he lets his master go, and one by one, they tick the items off. They continue to stroll down memory lane. They visit with the twins. They spend time with Ahsoka, and Rex, and Cody. Anakin drags it out as much as he can. 

Obi-Wan is quieter, now. 

He’s still Obi-Wan, but gone is the radiant happiness that had overtaken him much of their time in the Good Place. He tries to hide it; he would never want Anakin to take on his burdens, to feel guilty for keeping him here, but Anakin sees. He’s tired, and he’s sad. Too reminiscent of the way he had been in life, weighted by so many burdens, so much sorrow. Anakin hates it. He hates to know that he is the cause. 

This is meant to be a reward for a life well lived, somewhere people go when they have learned to be truly good, but Anakin is still selfish. He cannot let go.

* * *

“I thought that you would stay. I always thought that we would go through together.”

They are two halves of one soul. They are meant to do everything together. 

Obi-Wan looks unspeakably weary. He smiles, anyway. A hard ache lodges just beneath Anakin’s breastbone. 

_ And you, Master. What does your heart tell you you’re meant for?  _

_ Infinite sadness, Obi-Wan said, even while smiling.  _

“If that is what you need, Anakin, then that is what will happen. I told you I will wait until you’re ready, and I will.” 

* * *

He is tired of taking from Obi-Wan.

* * *

“I’m not asking you to wait for me to be ready to go.” The words want to stick in his throat. He feels as though he cannot catch his breath. “That wouldn’t be fair. Just for now. I can do it. I can let you go.” 

He’d never done well letting go of his attachments. Obi-Wan knows that. Maybe that’s why he says nothing at all to this. 

* * *

Must he be destined to always lose what he loves? 

* * *

Why are they always pulled apart, in the end?

* * *

They talk often, late into the evening. Things they hadn’t been able to discuss before, back in the Temple. They are free to speak of their attachments here, something that has finally ceased to be so strange. Anakin tells Obi-Wan more than once that he loves him. He feels as though he must say it, reassert again and again that Obi-Wan is the most important person in his life. It isn’t necessary. His love is like a stranglehold just now, he knows. 

* * *

There is no drastic moment that changes things, in the end. No one conversation, no declaration. 

* * *

After a number of months, Anakin simply decides that he will take no more from his former master. He decides to give, instead. 

* * *

Anakin accompanies Obi-Wan to the archway. No one else joins them; it is just the two of them, as it has always been in the end. Obi-Wan has already bid his farewells to the others. 

As they sit on the bench, he thinks that he has never seen such absolute peace in his master’s eyes. It is that, more than anything, that convinces him he is doing the right thing. Obi-Wan deserves to have Anakin give, for once. 

His heart pounds out a jagged rhythm against his ribcage. 

Though he’d professed to be ready, he does not want to lose Obi-Wan. 

His master presses a gentle palm to his cheek, gives him the smile that had been so comforting to him as a child, as a padawan. 

“It was the greatest honor of my life to be your brother,” Obi-Wan tells him. “To raise you, and to fight at your side. You have been my dearest friend.” 

To his surprise, there is no sob forthcoming, though tears well. Instead, warmth spreads throughout his chest, and Anakin is closer to calm than he has been in months. 

There is a finality to it all. He knows that this is it; he will not see his master again, but somehow Obi-Wan finds a way to make that something close to alright. 

He will miss him so much. 

Obi-Wan’s arms find their way around to him, and Anakin clings to him that last time. When his master pulls away, he is smiling crookedly, radiating utmost peace in the Force. It is easy for Anakin to draw on it. He looks up at Obi-Wan, attempting to memorize the warmth in his eyes. 

“I am proud of you,” Obi-Wan says. “And I love you very much.”

There are so few words left for Anakin to say. He has exhausted his words these last months. Obi-Wan already knows, but he voices it anyway. “I love you too, Master.” 

Another smile. 

“Goodbye, old friend,” Obi-Wan says, the words an echo of those spoken so long ago. They don’t hurt anymore. “May the Force be with you.” 

He turns from Anakin, and that’s that. He’s gone in moments, disappearing through the archway.

The sob finally tears free, but that’s alright. 

Anakin isn’t alright now, but he knows that he will be. 

He can let go. 


End file.
